How can the time escape my grasp so often?
I simply don't know. Ever the control freak, I fully believe I have the hours and days accounted for, banked, and ready to go. And then I look at the calendar and I am horrified that it has been two months since I have written and I thought it was only two days.
The other day, one of my staff asked about the art that hangs in my office and she had no idea I had done them. They are compilations, multimedia cuts and pastes because I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler. But I can put things together. Art, people, whatever or whoever needs to be made whole and complete, that is my mission in life.
I can put stories together too and that is what I like doing the most, but even I am sick of myself complaining about how I cannot get to it and that I am too busy. I hate that word. Busy. It serves as an excuse for when we do not want to do something and for when we can't, so that those on the receiving end start to wonder which they are - not wanted or not important enough to leap ahead of someone or something else.
My New Year's resolution - made before the new year, is to never say that word. To stop and listen, to make time for people and words. It's possible. I have lots to do but I will never say I am busy. Busy sounds like a fly that just circles around and annoys people. "Yeah, yeah, everyone is busy."
If I make the smallest effort, I will not be busy. I will be productive yet available for my family and friends, my staff, my docs, and the patients we care for. Most of all, I will carve out the time I need for me - because I cannot encourage, support, and engage with anyone if I feel deprived. Some of it is a mind set - semantics - and some of it is being willing to reset, again, to the type of person I want to be.
We all get a little off now and then. Sometimes it's harder to get back to positive. Maybe I'll just smile more often. And then this time next year, I will do it again when my attitude needs readjusting and I start saying the B word again.
Happy New Year! I've been told just yesterday that the secret to the universe is love - I pass it on to you.